tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-11-21:/MokoFeed2009-11-21T00:39:05+01:00tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-11-20:/2009/11/20/what-do-you-do-when-you-finally-realise-your-man-is-a-slut-7421620/SecretsAndLies2009-11-20T18:28:36+01:002009-11-20T18:28:36+01:00 <p>Yes, a male whore. We have been making plans to work together in Turkey next year, and we came upon the subject of our dual identities. It seems that when he is in work mode, our relationship doesn't exist and he is free to fuck anyone he likes. Because he is a different persona. He expects the same from me. He is only doing it for monetary gain though, for our future together, not because he's a randy so-and-so. I told him that prostitution is not why I'm going to Turkey. He told me everyone in the entertainment industry sleeps around for personal gain.</p> <p>Dump him now?? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/11/20/what-do-you-do-when-you-finally-realise-your-man-is-a-slut-7421620/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-10-26:/2009/10/26/home-briefly-7248860/SecretsAndLies2009-10-26T20:02:24+01:002009-10-26T20:02:24+01:00 <p>Yes, I'm back in blighty! Landed early hours Friday and got to Liverpool and a warm bed around 6am. First things first: this country is feckin freezing!!! By now I am full of cold, sneezing and snuffling all over the place. But not to fear, I am going to Malta at 7:45am tomorrow! I've literally had <em>just</em> enough time to go sort out my outstanding council tax (robbing bastards) from last year which I was convinced I'd paid, and nip into Primark for some cheapo lightweight jumpers to chuck in my case. </p> <p>Put off unpacking til yesterday, and then literally emptied out the binbags with my winter stuff and refilled them with my summer stuff, with a couple of items to overlap. Repacked this morning, and have managed to narrow 3 cases (60k) of luggage down to 2 cases of about 30k in total. Not bad...</p> <p>Bit pissed off about the fact that my so-called friends have not been ringing the phone off the hook - I've literally seen less than 5 people since I've been back. Oh well, fuck 'em. And I made the mistake before I flew home of going to Istanbul to see my exotic-looking fella. My friends in Turkey dubbed it a 'make or break' trip before I left, as we had been having some small and fairly petty arguments over the phone. But once I saw him, and was welcomed with open arms into his family home, I knew that it would be torture to leave. I spent 2 wonderful days there doing all the stupid tourist-y stuff and laughing and kissing and holding hands like one of those sickeningly annoying couples you see on TV. We took photos of everything, even of each other sitting on a bus or a train or putting a forkful of baclava in our mouths. We want to be together and there are so many forces tryign to stop us. </p> <p>One thing is annoying me though - he wants to know everything about me. I mean EVERYTHING. And I had just got out of the habit of pouring my heart out to the latest boyf. Now I don't want to open up. I've spent quite a while teaching myself to be guarded. He randomly asked me yesterday if I had ever been raped, and as I was about to reply 'no' I suddenly remembered a certain incident that had happened when I was 19. I had been date raped. And I hada forgotten it had ever happened to me. When I say "date raped", it wasn't some horrific thing, I was simply drugged so that I was so out of it I didn't know my own name. However, had I been more in control of my senses, I was gonna sleep with him anyway - he looked like Dermot O' Leary! At the time I shrugged it off and told myself never to let a guy give me drinks all night, or at least keep an eye on what he's doing with them. But anyway, that was in the past. I understand my new guy wants to know me inside out - but dredging up old, mostly forgotten memories? I'd rather live in the here and now. He's told me that due to his job (in the entertainment industry) he has slept with over 500 women, but to be honest I'm not interested. Past is past. I don't want to ask questions, unless its constructive questions like "when are you going to get a decent job?" or "when will you stop sending your wages home to your family?"</p> <p>Hmmmm.</p> <p>Anyway, he's promising to get a visa and passport sorted so he can join me in Malta, but to be honest, by the time he gets there, I reckon I'll have quit the job and moved on, probably momentarily back to England. The job is getting me down. And I'll be working in the capacity of something similar to a saga rep - joyful times!<br> Better dash - have to practise my bingo calling.... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/10/26/home-briefly-7248860/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-10-11:/2009/10/11/death-and-sadness-7142398/SecretsAndLies2009-10-11T09:01:21+02:002009-10-11T09:01:21+02:00 <p>So, we've lost another young celebrity. I wasn't really that bothered by the loss of Michael Jackson, if I'm honest. More shocked at the fact that someone so strange was actually mortal. I was saddened by the death of Patrick Swayze - I watched Dirty Dancing every day of my study leave for my A Levels. Everyone wanted to be Baby at some point in their life, I'm sure. And Now Stephen Gately is gone as well. Only 33. My thoughts? It could have been worse - it could have been someone from Take That!</p> <p>According to my boss I've lost my 'sparkle' - I replied wouldn't you lose your sparkle if you'd had to pay £300 to replace the company money that got stolen from your room? As well as my own personal savings that were stolen. And not forgetting my lovely new laptop that also magically disappeared. And no one gives a fuck. I think I'd lose my sparkle if that happened to me. Oh no, wait - it did.</p> <p>My soulmate mentioned marriage last week. He talked about going to the consulate to see what needed to be done. He never wants to lose me. He cannot sleep without me. We call each other at 2 or 3am to talk about how we miss each other. One night he cried himself to sleep on the phone. The next night I did the same. Now he has gone I feel a shadow of my former self. It's stupid I know. I have told my friends I'm going to marry him. At the end of the day, marriage is not as sacred as it once was. But I believe it will make us stronger. He is poor and has no education, but he works hard at everything he does and when he walks into a room it lights up. Money can not buy this. </p> <p>I am a fool in love. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/10/11/death-and-sadness-7142398/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-10-06:/2009/10/06/he-s-gone-7109189/SecretsAndLies2009-10-06T10:36:33+02:002009-10-06T10:36:33+02:00 <p>My other half. The fire in my soul. He left yesterday. I cried like I never cried before. He is 13 hours away by bus. The sun is still shining but everything feels different. To think of him brings a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. I cannot speak of him without crying. </p> <p>Is this love?? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/10/06/he-s-gone-7109189/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-09-29:/2009/09/29/the-birth-of-schizophrenia-7060044/SecretsAndLies2009-09-29T09:49:29+02:002009-09-29T09:49:29+02:00 <p>Amber has been reignited in me. My passion was dead, the light gone from my eyes. I was reasonably happy so I thought, but now I now that my alter ego is alive and well, I'm feeling better than ever. </p> <p>You see, I've met a kindred spirit. He has the same ideas as me - when we talk about things we frequently say it is like looking in the mirror. He too is two - he has both angel and demon, and unlike the majority of the world, he treats them both as individuals. And I have begun to do the same. I have finally acknowledged that Amber is the stripper, lapdancer, whore, drug addict, alcoholic - she likes to live life in the fast lane. And little ol' B is the girl whose favourite pastime is curling up on the sofa with the duvet over her reading a good book or watching a good film. </p> <p>Both are smart, sassy, and know what they want. But Amber has no issues with speaking her mind, whereas B is the worrier, the bottler. I haven't yet identified who it is who has been crying so much in the past year - the tears certainly match Amber's tempuosity but reflect B's emotion. Amber is the one who keeps trying to drag me towards setting up a long-term arrangement in the sex industry, whilst B is desperately trying to convince me to seek an intellectual career in publishing. So as a happy medium I have ended up in entertainment and customer relations. The time on stage feeds Amber's hunger, whereas the endless paperwork causes enough stress to sate B's pedantic appetite. </p> <p>My kindred spirit is exactly the same. Sometimes when we talk, when we fuck, when we spend time together, we first establish who it is we are with. With him, Amber certainly has enough to keep her busy, and his talk is enough to keep B's brain alive. </p> <p>Thus began the age of schizophrenia </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/09/29/the-birth-of-schizophrenia-7060044/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-09-10:/2009/09/10/how-long-has-it-been-since-i-wrote-a-post-6938711/SecretsAndLies2009-09-10T21:20:11+02:002009-09-10T21:20:11+02:00 <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_twisted.gif" alt=":>" class="middle" border="0">Oh my god. I'm still alive!!! Sorry I've not written for a while but I've been ridiculously busy. Once I finish in Turkey I'll be jetting off to Malta for the winter season (until Jan) working with the golden oldies - ie, bingo every night!!! Might get to see some of my favourite bloggers there.... <img src="/img/smilies/icon_twisted.gif" alt=":>" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p>Anyway, gotta dash (again) so I'll spak soon - hope all my blog mates are doing well</p> <p>x x x </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/09/10/how-long-has-it-been-since-i-wrote-a-post-6938711/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-07-23:/2009/07/23/so-6574011/SecretsAndLies2009-07-23T17:20:04+02:002009-07-23T17:20:04+02:00 <p>I dıdn't cry at the time the last post was written, but I have since. Confronted cheating bastard and he said he took laptop to look at my photos of us together (because he misses me, still loves me yadda yadda yadda) and then he put it back. And then it was stolen. Have not looked at any photos on facebook since. I have however kissed cheating bastard. Several times. Like a fucking idiot. And not a drop of alcohol has passed my lips yet. Oh wait, I had a swig of beer last night. </p> <p>So now my head is even more fucked than usual. And I just got an email saying that I won't be able to go back to uni til Sept 2010. So I'm gonna apply to go to Mexico for the winter. Fuck it. Manchester will just have to wait for me.... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/07/23/so-6574011/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-07-21:/2009/07/21/ho-hum-6560414/SecretsAndLies2009-07-21T14:49:13+02:002009-07-21T14:49:13+02:00 <p>I just want to cry. I don't know if it's because I haven't taken my meds for 2 weeks now or because someone has stolen my laptop or the fact that I have just looked at cheating bastard ex-toyboy's gf's facebook page and her photos of them together. And the fact that it might have been cheating bastard who stole my laptop. I'm going to the pub.... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/07/21/ho-hum-6560414/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-07-16:/2009/07/16/hospital-again-6524908/SecretsAndLies2009-07-16T08:47:47+02:002009-07-16T08:47:47+02:00 <p>Just got out of hospital again. This time I went in with gastro and dehydration again. Dunno how I get so 'severely dehydrated'. Got shitloads of meds to take now. One particularly fun evening was when the drip in my arm went wrong and the nurse proceeded to stick needles into various parts of me trying to hit a vein (my veins run rather deep apparently). In the end I had a multi-way drip contraption sticking out of my hand. The swelling is still so bad it's painful to wear a watch.</p> <p>In other news, got home to find the kittens are now walking and frequently scrapping with each other, which is just adorable. In hospital I started devising a game plan for my return to the UK. I'm thinking of moving to Manchester to get some work experience doing writing somewhere - and there's a really good strip club that I want to go and work in!!! (Plus its far easier to get to Leeds from Manch....<img src="/img/smilies/icon_razz.gif" alt=":p" class="middle" border="0">)</p> <p>Thats all for now... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/07/16/hospital-again-6524908/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-07-11:/2009/07/11/being-ill-6489603/SecretsAndLies2009-07-11T09:44:08+02:002009-07-11T09:44:08+02:00 <p>Yup, that's rıght. I've been ill. Been in hospital this week with bronchitis, pharyngitis, fatigue, sinusitis, dehydration....the list is endless. Had to have a drip in and everything. Now I'm finally out and wish I was back in cos I feel even worse (probably lack of room service and air con) and can not stop sweating profusely from every pore. I'm fully expecting to cough up a lung or faint in the very near future........</p> <p>(yeah I know, how sorry for myself can I be!!) </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/07/11/being-ill-6489603/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-07-03:/2009/07/03/kitty-6442283/SecretsAndLies2009-07-03T13:28:11+02:002009-07-03T13:28:11+02:00 <p><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/125/3652125_05252cdb89_m.jpeg" alt="IMAG0636"></p> <p>Yes, I know, I'm obsessed............</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_lalala.gif" alt=":lalala:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/07/03/kitty-6442283/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-07-03:/2009/07/03/hot-and-sticky-and-not-in-a-good-way-6442232/SecretsAndLies2009-07-03T13:24:13+02:002009-07-03T13:24:13+02:00 <p>Got up this morning and the weather was dull and cool. I rejoiced. Alas, temperatures of 43 degrees soon resumed their relentless beating on my stupidly-uniform-clad body. I wish someone would throw me in the pool (as I'm not allowed to jump in voluntarily - stupid company policy)</p> <p>Oh well, tomorrow I get to go to the waterpark FOR WORK!!!!</p> <p>He he he he </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/07/03/hot-and-sticky-and-not-in-a-good-way-6442232/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-06-28:/2009/06/28/death-to-another-relat-305-onsh-305-p-6410864/SecretsAndLies2009-06-28T09:42:43+02:002009-06-28T09:42:43+02:00 <p>That's rıght, ıt's fınally over for good. You see, the toyboy has a German gırlfrıend who, last tıme he dumped her, slıt her wrısts and ended up ın hospıtal for a whıle. Two weeks from now she wıll come to Turkey for 6 weeks. She thınks they are stıll love's young dream, even though toyboy has trıed to gently and fırmly dıssuade her from ever talkıng to hım agaın. So I, ın a moment of brıllaınce, turned our relatıonshıp from a romance to a frıendshıp. I told toyboy I would be hıs frıend, but thıs German gırl has made ıt ımpossıble to be ın a relatıonshıp wıth hım. Hıs eyes fılled wıth tears, but he feels morally oblıgated to carry on the charade to protect the German gırl's health. She ıs emotıonally blackmaılıng hım, he doesn't even love her, but he cares about her wellbeıng. I feel sorry for hım. And I am relıeved to have a scapegoat to end the relatıonshıp. </p> <p>So, watch out guests - I'm on the rampage!!!</p> <p>oh, and NB - I'm dısappoınted that no one has commented on lıttle fluffy beautıes!!!</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_evil.gif" alt=">:-[" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/06/28/death-to-another-relat-305-onsh-305-p-6410864/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-06-25:/2009/06/25/a-bit-of-peace-6387480/SecretsAndLies2009-06-25T13:39:14+02:002009-06-25T13:39:14+02:00 <p>Ok, so I've finally managed to get some time alone with a decent internet connection. So, let me tell you what's been going on in my life recently...</p> <p> Split up with the boyf cos he's immature and wouldn't talk to me cos he'd planned a surprise and I didn't turn up at the hotel at the time he expected me to turn up and consequently ruined his evening. Apparently I have no respect for him you see. That and the fact that I'm just not psychic!!! So, we spent a day ignoring each other which is difficult when you work in the same hotel, even one as big as this. By the afternoon the rest of the team had something to say about it, and most of the girls confessed that they never liked him anyway. That night we went to the open air disco and got drunk and had a fantastic time and according to my spies, he spent most of the time dancing alone. Next thing you know, I get a phonecall at 2am asking to talk. Against all advice I went to meet him. Alcohol clouded my judgement. I took him back. After a lot of serious begging, I might add. </p> <p> So, now we are love's young dream again, only I don't love him. He is in love with me and I know that at some point I will break his heart. This all sounds so familiar.... Why am I so cold? When did I stop falling in love? Why do I end up in these relationships with some doe-eyed dolt who starts planning our future together after only knowing me for 5 minutes? Twice in the past year I've been offered the prospect of marriage, and I could have easily accepted - except for that word - easy. It would just be too easy. I define my life by turmoil, I don't want some yes-man who promises me the stars and always falls short, but thats ok cos he loves me. I want to be challenged daily, broaden my horizons, start each new day as though it were an adventure. I don't like certainty. But then again, I don't like conflict. I've had my eye on a new Turk, and I'm not happy with the one I'm with, but no way will I attempt a trade. I know I will break his heart, but I really don't want to. </p> <p> I talk about adventure and challenges but really I'm a wimp. I think I need someone to hold my hand <em>whilst</em> challenging me. He he. Oh what a pallaver. Or however you spell it. </p> <p> In other news, my cat had kittens. 4 of them, three grey and white and one jet black. My mate has claimed the black one and called her Mustafa. Trial names for the others are Socks, Smudge and Smokey. Have a gander.......</p> <p> <img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/834/3628834_636d3097c2_m.jpeg" alt="IMAG0618"></p> <p> <img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/835/3628835_01f51b10e8_m.jpeg" alt="IMAG0619"></p> <p> <img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/836/3628836_d43fc841de_m.jpeg" alt="IMAG0620"><br> Um, don't know how to rotate the pic so you'll have to put your heads on the side!<br> <img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/837/3628837_4b03823620_m.jpeg" alt="IMAG0621"></p> <p> <img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/838/3628838_934975293e_m.jpeg" alt="IMAG0622"></p> <p>Cute, huh?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/06/25/a-bit-of-peace-6387480/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-06-21:/2009/06/21/ha-ha-ha-my-life-s-so-funny-6358004/SecretsAndLies2009-06-21T21:32:48+02:002009-06-21T21:32:48+02:00 <p>Split up with the Turk last night. Details will follow tomorrow. Gonna get pissed now!!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/06/21/ha-ha-ha-my-life-s-so-funny-6358004/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-06-20:/2009/06/20/eye-bags-big-enough-to-live-in-6347761/SecretsAndLies2009-06-20T09:26:39+02:002009-06-20T09:26:39+02:00 <p>I'm so tired I feel like the bags under my eyes could fit a person in. Of course, with my lucky genetics, I don't <em>actually</em> get proper bags under my eyes - they're more like deep lines or troughs that dig across my cheeks. Anyway, point is: I'M KNACKERED! Dunno what I do when I'm asleep, but I reckon I must be sleep walking or summat cos I woke up this morning after a (relatively) early night (ie 1am) in bed, and could function. By the time I had cycled into work I had lost the will to live.</p> <p>My day has been made brighter by the fact that on the way into work I bought 200 fags for about a tenner (oh yeah, I've started smoking again) so a small nicotine rush has given me just enough energy to get my laptop and go and hide in a cool corner of the hotel. </p> <p>Its not like I've been doing a lot lately though - ok, we had Mamma Mia on Thursday and last night I sang in the show and it was my mate's birthday and I used up a lot of energy being angry with various people from the office, but still. I shouldn't be feeling this crappy!!! </p> <p>In other news, the toyboy has informed me that he has permission from his manager to move in with me and my pregnant kitty, and will be doing so tonight. I think things are gonna get interesting from here on in..... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/06/20/eye-bags-big-enough-to-live-in-6347761/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-06-18:/2009/06/18/now-then-where-was-i-6331059/SecretsAndLies2009-06-18T08:18:32+02:002009-06-18T08:18:32+02:00 <p>Ok, the child has been safely sent off to hospital. She's pale and ginger and probably suffering from heat exhaustion seeing as its nearing 50 degrees out here. </p> <p>SO, what's new with me? Well, I am working in a beautiful 5* hotel in Turkey, my bosses care more about how much money I make and what colour hair bobble I have in than the fact that we manage to put on Mamma Mia and The Lion King every other week (they're amazing!) and I have a Turkish toyboy who's doing my head in! My mum visited the other week and that was a week of constant tears and tantrums and her being convinced that I was gonna marry a turk and start wearing a headscarf. I have a cat called Curdy (cos she's all black - Kurdish) who is little more than a kitten and is actually due to drop a few kittens of her own any day now. And two days ago I burned my ass cos I was sunbathing in a thong bikini.</p> <p>There, I think thats all the important stuff out of the way!!</p> <p>So - news??? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/06/18/now-then-where-was-i-6331059/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-06-18:/2009/06/18/its-been-far-too-long-6330859/SecretsAndLies2009-06-18T07:34:14+02:002009-06-18T07:34:14+02:00 <p>Oh my god. Where has the time gone? Its been far too long since visiting my (I hope still) faithful friends on blog. How are you all?</p> <p>Wouldn't you know it - as soon as I sit down to write a nice long post someone comes to see me with a sick child! Gotta dash - but I'll be back.....</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/06/18/its-been-far-too-long-6330859/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-05-18:/2009/05/18/greet-305-ngs-6137265/SecretsAndLies2009-05-18T19:59:34+02:002009-05-18T19:59:34+02:00 <p>Ok, so ıt's gradually startıng to get too hot. Just done a kıds dısco dressed as a chınaman (don't ask) and am now slıghtly damp. And not ın a good way. </p> <p>In other news, we're set to perform the premıere of Mamma Mıa ın the hotel on Thursday, and most of us stıll haven't got a clue what we're doıng and don't have costumes. And we're stıll learnıng dance routınes!!! Guess whıch character I'm playıng....?</p> <p>In other other news, I have a black kıtten called Curdy (no prızes for guessıng where the name came from) and a Turkısh toyboy. Both are cute and quıte demandıng ın varıous ways.... Good company though!</p> <p>How are all my lovely blog frıends? Only two more weeks and I'll have my laptop!! Yay!!!</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/05/18/greet-305-ngs-6137265/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-04-27:/2009/04/27/i-m-still-alive-6016876/SecretsAndLies2009-04-27T14:20:24+02:002009-04-27T14:23:02+02:00 <p>Lıvın la vıda loca ın Turkey - hopefully ın a month or so I'll get my netbook I bought on ebay so I'll be back to my good old ınternet frenzıed ways. Untıl then, all I can say ıs</p> <p>I HAVE A TAN!!!!!</p> <p>Mwah ha ha ha ha.....</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"></p> <p><strong>edıt: just realısed I already gloated about a tan on my prevıous post....</strong> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/04/27/i-m-still-alive-6016876/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-03-22:/2009/03/22/birthday-and-other-stuff-5805696/SecretsAndLies2009-03-22T10:20:02+01:002009-03-22T10:20:02+01:00 <p>Just a quickie I'm afraid! My birthday came and went faster than one of my none-orgasms, mainly because I was travelling for most of it. Had the luxury of coming home to my mum's last night, and jetting off to Turkey this afternoon. That is all.</p> <p>As soon as I get myself established in the land of Turkish delight I will be back to my blogging self. Unitl then though, let me leave you with this: I'VE GOT A TAN!!!! </p> <p>Ha ha ha</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/03/22/birthday-and-other-stuff-5805696/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-02-16:/2009/02/16/going-going-almost-gone-5588827/SecretsAndLies2009-02-16T22:10:46+01:002009-02-16T22:10:46+01:00 <p>I got an interesting phonecall today. It told me that next Saturday, the 28th, will be my last day in the UK for about 8 months. Yup, I'm flying off to sunnier places in less than 2 weeks! </p> <p>I've got so much to do, been running round like a headless chicken all day. However, my main aim is to make sure that the majority of fussing is over and done with before my mum gets back from her holiday on Thursday night, as she's been phoning me up every five minutes with pearls of wisdom such as "You need to get yourself sorted. Don't be leaving things til the last minute" Thanks mum. The best bit (I think, so far at least) is that rather than do a weekly shop tonight, I just picked up a few essentials and am now settling down to slowly work through the contents of my fridge freezer. </p> <p>Hello Ben&Jerry's.....</p> <p>On another note - dating site, shmating site. None of the cute guys have replied to me and a lot of guys who I would assume, without being nasty, are aiming out of their league, are messaging me. Surely my photos aren't that bad that all the dodgy-looking blokes online think they stand a chance?? Maybe I'm just being incredibly conceited and vain.....</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/grayconfused.gif" alt=":??:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/02/16/going-going-almost-gone-5588827/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-02-11:/2009/02/11/oh-dear-5552526/SecretsAndLies2009-02-11T14:25:54+01:002009-02-11T14:25:54+01:00 <p>.....I've just joined a dating site. Just out of interest, like. Is that really really sad? I just realised after all these counselling sessions that I don't really have many people to confide in would like to broaden my social circle somewhat. Plus I don't go out enough to meet new guys. So, deep breath, a three month subscription and fingers crossed.......</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_wave.gif" alt=":wave:" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/02/11/oh-dear-5552526/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-02-10:/2009/02/10/grey-hairs-5545758/SecretsAndLies2009-02-10T14:50:01+01:002009-02-10T14:50:01+01:00 <p>Lots of them. Sprouting out of my head. Attacked my hair with tweezers this morning and rid myself of the obvious ones. I never thought I'd have to consider whether to dye my grey hair or grow old gracefully before I hit 30! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/02/10/grey-hairs-5545758/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-02-09:/2009/02/09/this-odd-feeling-5540421/SecretsAndLies2009-02-09T22:08:06+01:002009-02-09T22:08:06+01:00 <p>I've been feeling a kind of emptiness lately that's not that type that was depression-related earlier in the year. I've finally taken positive steps towards cleansing myself of the ex, and in fact every ex, once and for all. By keeping physical contact to a minimum and not kissing him, I think he's gradually cottoning on that the only title he has any claim on is 'friend'. When I'm lonely, I'm resisting the urge to call him just because I know that out of everyone, he is the most likely person to pick up the phone after 2 rings. When I actually think about it, I don't actually want to talk to him, its just because I know he'll listen patiently. I mean, I want to talk, but not particularly <em>to him</em>.</p> <p>So. This emptiness is being put down to being lonely. I started to put more pressure on my 'best mate', who is my best mate but is not on board for all the girlie responsibilities. She wants to be friends for the fun stuff and kinda skip over the rest. Which we both know, and which is, a little grudgingly, fine with me. The ex used to fill in for the bits she missed, namely listening to all my angst and rants and ravings. But I've stopped using him now, as it wasn't getting either of us anywhere. So I guess I'm just lonely. I kind of crave male affection, without genuinely wanting it. Its just something I've always used in the past to fill in the blanks. Plus its always exciting when there's a new love/lust interest on the horizon. And I feel I could do with some excitement. </p> <p>In 99% of social situations I've found myself in in the past month, I've felt like an outsider. I feel that somehow my reality is slightly disjointed from everyone else's. Sometimes I just plain old feel like I don't belong. I guess now I've come to terms with my depression and am doing things about it, I've started to realise how much my life is lacking in other aspects. Is it normal to be like one of the Sex and the City girls, having a close circle of friends with whom you share everything? I wouldn't mind that. Heck, I wouldn't mind ONE close friend who was always there for me. </p> <p>I suppose what I'm saying is that I'm lonely. But I'm trying to be positive about it. At least this way I can eat nothing but cereal all day, watch Loose Women, not wash/brush my hair, stay in bed and read a whole book in one night...if I had someone extremely close to me they probably wouldn't let me get away with all that. Still, it'd be nice to have a reason to wash my hair and put on some makeup once in a while.</p> <p>The answer lies in a three-letter word: meh! I'm not upset about my current situation, just quietly sad and a teensy bit anxious. Am I putting all my eggs in the going-to-work-abroad basket? I hope not. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/02/09/this-odd-feeling-5540421/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-02-08:/2009/02/08/faking-when-you-re-genuinely-sick-5531670/SecretsAndLies2009-02-08T19:02:37+01:002009-02-08T19:02:37+01:00 <p>So, I can't really be bothered going into too much detail about my shitty boss and my shitty job, suffice to say, she thinks she knows best and is reluctant to take advice or criticism from anyone, but is happy as a pig in muck when she's doling it out. I know all bosses can be twats from time to time, but I seem to be going from one shitty job to another lately. </p> <p>My revenge? Letting a select few members of staff have mini free lock-ins with me once a week. Not drinking excessively, just a few free pints to take the edge off my anger. I wouldn't mind at all if I was constantly being pulled up by someone who was a genius both behind the bar and with the accounts, and a truly aspired to be as good as her, but the truth of the matter is, I think that I'm far cleverer and far more capable of running her place than she'll ever be. Therein lies the problem.</p> <p>So, after me storming out last week, I had a chat with the 'manager' (she's not really allowed to do much managing, the poor girl) and outlined all my problems. Then we had a meeting on Thursday where we managed to shift most of the blame onto a third party. Don't get me wrong, I tried to diplomatically have a go at the boss, but I'm not very good at confrontation. Anyway, by Thursday evening I was feeling decidedly shitty, and by the time I got home my glands in my neck were swollen and I couldn't swallow. Spent a really weird night tossing and turning, feeling like I was in the scene from Trainspotting where Ewan McGreggor's character goes cold turkey. Got up for work on Friday, but as soon as I got in I realised I should be back at home in bed. The problem was, the boss had decided to not talk to me and conduct a meeting with her business manager in the middle of the restaurant, and so I was pretty much on my own. Feelings of nausea kept making me run to the loo, but I was told off for not staying behind the bar. (!)</p> <p>The clock hands slowly moved round. I could barely swallow, my head was pounding, and serving food was making me feel ill. No one cared. As it grew closer to the end of my shift, I realised that if I didn't do something drastic, I'd be forced to work the 10 hour shift I was down for the next day. Still the boss had hardly spoken to me, and either hadn't noticed or didn't care that I was pale and swaying on feet. So, guess what I did? It's hilarious. I faked a faint. I went into the toilets, started the tap running and then lay down on the floor and waited for someone to find me. </p> <p>First of all, let me point out that I honestly felt like I could've fainted for real, if I was the fainting type. Which I'm not. Nor the crying type, which is annoying, cos these things are really useful to be able to use on a whim. Also, it was the only way I felt I could be noticed. I'm not a screaming, tantrum sort of gal. I was a bit annoyed at the boss's reaction when she found me. First she asked me what was wrong (duh - I was lying on the floor with my eyes closed) and then pretty much told me to get up, call a taxi and go home. No concern, except for the fact that I would be leaving her short staffed. She even huffed and puffed about how she had so much to do and didn't need to be sat minding the restaurant. Oh, and when my dad came to pick me up, she said I had to call her later to let her know about working the next day. </p> <p>Now, I know I was faking it, but if I was a boss and a valued senior member of my staff was discovered unconscious, I'd lock up immediately and take them to hospital myself. She never even asked how I was feeling. Bitch. By the time I got home I was feverish and woozy and lots of not nice things, and decided the best course of action was to take the rest of the weekend off. And I feel wonderful for it. Ok, if you add up everything I've eaten this week it would probably fit into a normal person's day, but hey ho. I'm annoyed that I haven't had a single call or message from anyone to check that I'm alive, after phoning in to say I had a serious gastro bug and would need at least a few days off.</p> <p>So there, anyway. I faked a faint when I really was ill. Desperate times and all that. Funny though, huh? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/02/08/faking-when-you-re-genuinely-sick-5531670/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-02-08:/2009/02/08/good-news-5529920/SecretsAndLies2009-02-08T13:38:43+01:002009-02-08T13:38:43+01:00 <p>I got the job!! Well, not <em>the</em> job, apparently my singing and dancing wasn't quite on a par with all the other teenage divas (does that sound bitter???) but I've still been offered a job in a smaller entertainment team in some exotic location. Some time soon. Apparently. Again, I'm waiting for the phone to ring to give me more details. At least now I have something to do with my spare time - get rid of a lot of the stuff that seems to inexplicably clutter up every space in my flat. And dream about spending 7 months in the sun.</p> <p>Yay!!</p> <p><img src="/img/smilies/icon_lol.gif" alt=":DD" class="middle" border="0"> </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/02/08/good-news-5529920/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-02-02:/2009/02/02/guess-what-i-did-last-week-5492394/SecretsAndLies2009-02-02T14:47:48+01:002009-02-02T14:47:48+01:00 <p>I had an audition for Thomas Cook as an Entertainer. I should know by tomorrow night if I got the job, but I made it through to the last ten on the day, so am feeling quite positive.</p> <p>At first it was really nervewracking - after the general introductory presentation (boy did they love powerpoint!) we had to stand up one by one and introduce ourselves. Sooooo many people got up saying things like "Hi, I'm Michelle, and I've studied at the such-and-such school for performing arts since I was ten years old, and I just <em>love</em> to perform - I'm only happy when I'm on stage. Yadda yadda yadda." It was all very X Factor. I basically said "Hi, I'm a scouser, I promise I won't rob you, and I need a job in the sun" (but with a bit more finesse).</p> <p>The rep-style activities were easy enough, as I've done it all before, but then we had a choreographer come and teach us a dance routine to 'The Boy Does Nothing' and I was pretty crap, but by far not the worst. All the stage-school-princesses were at the front giving it beans. I was at the back with the gay lad laughing at how shit we were. I didn't tell anyone I went to college and did dance for a year... Then the gay lad had a bit of a panic attack, so thinking quickly, I accompanied him outside and looked after him, reasoning that if I didn't score highly on the dance, at least I could get bonus points for being a caring team-player.<br> After that ordeal, we had a singing exercise. We'd been asked to prepare a ballad and a pop song, but then cos there were 35 of us we were told to just choose one. I just about finished the first verse of 'Tell Me its Not True' when they stopped me, and I was gutted cos I'd been working up to crying and all sorts. (I know, very dramatical). Anyway, I got through to the final ten and that's that. If they phone me tomorrow and say I haven't got the job, I don't know what I'm gonna do. If I do get it, I could be leaving as early as Feb 28th and not come back til November. Dunno where I'll be going though. </p> <p>Oh yeah, and in my final interview, they asked me if I could speak any languages, and I said <em>basic</em> French, Spanish and Italian. Then they asked me to say 'In five minutes time we'll be starting the minidisco, so could all the kids make their way to the stage' in Spanish. I bungled it. And I'm pissed off about it. I haven't had the need to speak Spanish since school, and when I say 'basic', I mean I can ask how much a beer is and where are the loos etc. If you want me to translate a complex sentence, you gotta give me some time. And maybe a dictionary. Anyway, I hope the girl conducting the interview wasn't fluent in Spanish, cos I'm pretty sure I made some words up.....</p> <p>Oh, and I walked out of work last night cos my boss is a dickhead. I've handed in my notice already but last night I just felt so knotted up inside I had to make a swift exit. We'll see what happens there..... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/02/02/guess-what-i-did-last-week-5492394/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-01-27:/2009/01/27/happy-birthday-kenders-5457419/SecretsAndLies2009-01-27T16:52:29+01:002009-01-27T16:54:12+01:00 <p>I made you a cake.....</p> <p><img src="http://data5.blog.de/media/213/3180213_739bebd097_s.jpg" alt="cake" hspace="5" vspace="5"></p> <p>....but seeing as you're not here, I might have to eat it myself......</p> <p> </p> <p>Oh well. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/01/27/happy-birthday-kenders-5457419/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:bullsh1t.blog.co.uk,2009-01-20:/2009/01/20/alive-and-well-5411462/SecretsAndLies2009-01-20T12:42:53+01:002009-01-20T12:42:53+01:00 <p>Hello all, just thought I'd drop you a line to pause the monotony of the library. Yes, I'm in the library at uni, and have been here since 10am. I have exactly one week until the start of the new semester, and in that time I have to get all my coursework done or else I won't be coming back. I've already had a letter from the programme leader saying she strongly recommends that I withdraw and continue next year - to me that would be like quitting, and I hate being called a quitter. So I'm cutting my nose off to spite my face, trawling through websites and piles of books in the feeble hope that I might get my first 4000 word essay completed today. </p> <p>In other news, I have a few job prospects on the horizon, so am feeling a lot more positive and 'go-get-'em' than I was a month ago.</p> <p>I shall endeavour to give you all some more frequent updates from now on...</p> <p>Hope you are all well and enjoying the new year!! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://bullsh1t.blog.co.uk/2009/01/20/alive-and-well-5411462/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>