Yes, I'm back in blighty! Landed early hours Friday and got to Liverpool and a warm bed around 6am. First things first: this country is feckin freezing!!! By now I am full of cold, sneezing and snuffling all over the place. But not to fear, I am going to Malta at 7:45am tomorrow! I've literally had just enough time to go sort out my outstanding council tax (robbing bastards) from last year which I was convinced I'd paid, and nip into Primark for some cheapo lightweight jumpers to chuck in my case.

Put off unpacking til yesterday, and then literally emptied out the binbags with my winter stuff and refilled them with my summer stuff, with a couple of items to overlap. Repacked this morning, and have managed to narrow 3 cases (60k) of luggage down to 2 cases of about 30k in total. Not bad...

Bit pissed off about the fact that my so-called friends have not been ringing the phone off the hook - I've literally seen less than 5 people since I've been back. Oh well, fuck 'em. And I made the mistake before I flew home of going to Istanbul to see my exotic-looking fella. My friends in Turkey dubbed it a 'make or break' trip before I left, as we had been having some small and fairly petty arguments over the phone. But once I saw him, and was welcomed with open arms into his family home, I knew that it would be torture to leave. I spent 2 wonderful days there doing all the stupid tourist-y stuff and laughing and kissing and holding hands like one of those sickeningly annoying couples you see on TV. We took photos of everything, even of each other sitting on a bus or a train or putting a forkful of baclava in our mouths. We want to be together and there are so many forces tryign to stop us.

One thing is annoying me though - he wants to know everything about me. I mean EVERYTHING. And I had just got out of the habit of pouring my heart out to the latest boyf. Now I don't want to open up. I've spent quite a while teaching myself to be guarded. He randomly asked me yesterday if I had ever been raped, and as I was about to reply 'no' I suddenly remembered a certain incident that had happened when I was 19. I had been date raped. And I hada forgotten it had ever happened to me. When I say "date raped", it wasn't some horrific thing, I was simply drugged so that I was so out of it I didn't know my own name. However, had I been more in control of my senses, I was gonna sleep with him anyway - he looked like Dermot O' Leary! At the time I shrugged it off and told myself never to let a guy give me drinks all night, or at least keep an eye on what he's doing with them. But anyway, that was in the past. I understand my new guy wants to know me inside out - but dredging up old, mostly forgotten memories? I'd rather live in the here and now. He's told me that due to his job (in the entertainment industry) he has slept with over 500 women, but to be honest I'm not interested. Past is past. I don't want to ask questions, unless its constructive questions like "when are you going to get a decent job?" or "when will you stop sending your wages home to your family?"

Hmmmm.

Anyway, he's promising to get a visa and passport sorted so he can join me in Malta, but to be honest, by the time he gets there, I reckon I'll have quit the job and moved on, probably momentarily back to England. The job is getting me down. And I'll be working in the capacity of something similar to a saga rep - joyful times!
Better dash - have to practise my bingo calling....