Work in the office is getting stressful - for starters, I actually have stuff to do, and deadlines to meet!! What is going on with the world? I'm taking it in my stride but my colleague gets really stressed out at this time of year and its rubbing off on me, so I had to go out and get us both pizza for lunch to cheer her up and calm her down.
Apart from the added stress things seem to be good in the world. The boyf and I seem to be back to square one - as in when we first met - and we're enjoying pleasuring each other in new ways and exploring each others' bodies. Ok, it might just be sex, but his fervour in wanting me physically makes up for his lack of ability to tell me how he feels emotionally and spiritually. Does that make sense? I mean he finds it hard to express himself other than repeating the same tired lines like "I really really love you", "You make me happy" and "I'm lucky to have you" (if only he knew, hey?) Which sounds sweet and like I'm a bitch, but when you hear it over and over again you start to doubt their authenticity. But when he looks at me and holds me and I feel how physically passionate he can be, it kinda makes up for the lack-lustre statements he churns out.

Having said that, I do wish someone would toss a thesaurus his way, or one of the guys in work could take him to one side and help him work on his bedroom talk. If he says "I love being inside you" or "I love feeling your juices on my cock" one more time when we're in the midst of a good sesh I might just have to dismount and kick him!!!

I was feeling particularly pleased with myself last night after having a lovely bath and shaving myself top to toe (I haven't really been bothered since the abortion), then covering myself in expensive body cream, so decided to walk around the house naked for a bit. Needless to say, the boyf soon got aroused, and before long had me in a compromising position on the sofa. However, I've noticed the past few times we've had sex that it really fucking hurts when I'm on top, and last night I couldn't grin and bear it any longer. This led to tears as I was annoyed at myself for being 'sexually inadequate' (which the boyf was quick to deny - bless) which then led to me having a major crisis about my body again. I get annoyed with myself when this happens, cos I've never been an emotional person, and I definitely never cry. Or I never used to. These days it seems I'm on a constant rollercoaster. Sometimes I'm at peace with the world and then suddenly I'll hurtle down to the depths of despair. 
Luckily, the boyf is great in situations like these. He tells me what I want to hear but also encourages me to do things to make me feel better about myself. He asked me last night if I would appreciate his firm encouragement of an evening workout, so that at least if I was exercising I'd feel less slovenly and chubby. The problem is, he has a great body, and although not the tallest guy around, he turns a few heads. I get paranoid that we're gonna end up as 'the fit bloke and his chubby mediocre girlfriend'. You know what I mean - when you see couples and wonder what on earth they're doing together. That shit makes me even more miserable.

However, I've snapped out of it now, and though I've veered off the diet this lunchtime by having pizza, I'm feeling more merry than I was last night. In hindsight, I know I'm being stupid, but its one of those luxuries I afford myself. At least if I'm moaning about it I'm not drinking myself silly or taking crazy amounts of drugs. Its when I stop moaning that I worry myself. I might go to the GP and see if they can sort me out with some sort of legal prescription drugs that will level out my moods. And if I don't like them I can always sell them to the girls in work!!