Last week ended on a bit of a cliffhanger....I can now confirm that I am indeed pregnant. Hurrah! Unfortunately, any feelings of joy or elation were overcome by a) a feeling of dread at having to break the news to the boyf and b) the sensation of despair as I knew what he'd say.
True enough, upon finding out he went with the tactful approach of "we can't possibly have a baby now" and stuck to it all weekend.  Needless to say, I've been experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions. I'm about 95% sure now that I'm going to have an abortion. I'm going to see the doctor this afternoon and start the ball rolling.
I keep telling myself its the sensible thing to do but there's a tiny squeak - not even really a voice in my head - just a squeak, telling me that a baby is what I've always wanted and after all these years of thinking I was infertile it would be wrong to kill my unborn child. My main fear is that if I abort this baby, could it have any detrimental effect on future attempts to conceive? I know the chances of this happening are slim, but still the mind is prone to wander...
Anyway, thanks to the love and support of my friends over the weekend I feel better now than I did on Friday, and I know that whatever happens they will be behind me 100% of the way.
Thanks guys.
x