Lies and Secrets

Yes, I know, I'm obsessed............

Got up this morning and the weather was dull and cool. I rejoiced. Alas, temperatures of 43 degrees soon resumed their relentless beating on my stupidly-uniform-clad body. I wish someone would throw me in the pool (as I'm not allowed to jump in voluntarily - stupid company policy)

Oh well, tomorrow I get to go to the waterpark FOR WORK!!!!

He he he he

That's rıght, ıt's fınally over for good. You see, the toyboy has a German gırlfrıend who, last tıme he dumped her, slıt her wrısts and ended up ın hospıtal for a whıle. Two weeks from now she wıll come to Turkey for 6 weeks. She thınks they are stıll love's young dream, even though toyboy has trıed to gently and fırmly dıssuade her from ever talkıng to hım agaın. So I, ın a moment of brıllaınce, turned our relatıonshıp from a romance to a frıendshıp. I told toyboy I would be hıs frıend, but thıs German gırl has made ıt ımpossıble to be ın a relatıonshıp wıth hım. Hıs eyes fılled wıth tears, but he feels morally oblıgated to carry on the charade to protect the German gırl's health. She ıs emotıonally blackmaılıng hım, he doesn't even love her, but he cares about her wellbeıng. I feel sorry for hım. And I am relıeved to have a scapegoat to end the relatıonshıp.

So, watch out guests - I'm on the rampage!!!

oh, and NB - I'm dısappoınted that no one has commented on lıttle fluffy beautıes!!!

Ok, so I've finally managed to get some time alone with a decent internet connection. So, let me tell you what's been going on in my life recently...

Split up with the boyf cos he's immature and wouldn't talk to me cos he'd planned a surprise and I didn't turn up at the hotel at the time he expected me to turn up and consequently ruined his evening. Apparently I have no respect for him you see. That and the fact that I'm just not psychic!!! So, we spent a day ignoring each other which is difficult when you work in the same hotel, even one as big as this. By the afternoon the rest of the team had something to say about it, and most of the girls confessed that they never liked him anyway. That night we went to the open air disco and got drunk and had a fantastic time and according to my spies, he spent most of the time dancing alone. Next thing you know, I get a phonecall at 2am asking to talk. Against all advice I went to meet him. Alcohol clouded my judgement. I took him back. After a lot of serious begging, I might add.

So, now we are love's young dream again, only I don't love him. He is in love with me and I know that at some point I will break his heart. This all sounds so familiar.... Why am I so cold? When did I stop falling in love? Why do I end up in these relationships with some doe-eyed dolt who starts planning our future together after only knowing me for 5 minutes? Twice in the past year I've been offered the prospect of marriage, and I could have easily accepted - except for that word - easy. It would just be too easy. I define my life by turmoil, I don't want some yes-man who promises me the stars and always falls short, but thats ok cos he loves me. I want to be challenged daily, broaden my horizons, start each new day as though it were an adventure. I don't like certainty. But then again, I don't like conflict. I've had my eye on a new Turk, and I'm not happy with the one I'm with, but no way will I attempt a trade. I know I will break his heart, but I really don't want to.

I talk about adventure and challenges but really I'm a wimp. I think I need someone to hold my hand whilst challenging me. He he. Oh what a pallaver. Or however you spell it.

In other news, my cat had kittens. 4 of them, three grey and white and one jet black. My mate has claimed the black one and called her Mustafa. Trial names for the others are Socks, Smudge and Smokey. Have a gander.......

Um, don't know how to rotate the pic so you'll have to put your heads on the side!

Cute, huh?

Split up with the Turk last night. Details will follow tomorrow. Gonna get pissed now!!!

I'm so tired I feel like the bags under my eyes could fit a person in. Of course, with my lucky genetics, I don't actually get proper bags under my eyes - they're more like deep lines or troughs that dig across my cheeks. Anyway, point is: I'M KNACKERED! Dunno what I do when I'm asleep, but I reckon I must be sleep walking or summat cos I woke up this morning after a (relatively) early night (ie 1am) in bed, and could function. By the time I had cycled into work I had lost the will to live.

My day has been made brighter by the fact that on the way into work I bought 200 fags for about a tenner (oh yeah, I've started smoking again) so a small nicotine rush has given me just enough energy to get my laptop and go and hide in a cool corner of the hotel.

Its not like I've been doing a lot lately though - ok, we had Mamma Mia on Thursday and last night I sang in the show and it was my mate's birthday and I used up a lot of energy being angry with various people from the office, but still. I shouldn't be feeling this crappy!!!

In other news, the toyboy has informed me that he has permission from his manager to move in with me and my pregnant kitty, and will be doing so tonight. I think things are gonna get interesting from here on in.....

Ok, the child has been safely sent off to hospital. She's pale and ginger and probably suffering from heat exhaustion seeing as its nearing 50 degrees out here.

SO, what's new with me? Well, I am working in a beautiful 5* hotel in Turkey, my bosses care more about how much money I make and what colour hair bobble I have in than the fact that we manage to put on Mamma Mia and The Lion King every other week (they're amazing!) and I have a Turkish toyboy who's doing my head in! My mum visited the other week and that was a week of constant tears and tantrums and her being convinced that I was gonna marry a turk and start wearing a headscarf. I have a cat called Curdy (cos she's all black - Kurdish) who is little more than a kitten and is actually due to drop a few kittens of her own any day now. And two days ago I burned my ass cos I was sunbathing in a thong bikini.

There, I think thats all the important stuff out of the way!!

So - news???

Oh my god. Where has the time gone? Its been far too long since visiting my (I hope still) faithful friends on blog. How are you all?

Wouldn't you know it - as soon as I sit down to write a nice long post someone comes to see me with a sick child! Gotta dash - but I'll be back.....

Ok, so ıt's gradually startıng to get too hot. Just done a kıds dısco dressed as a chınaman (don't ask) and am now slıghtly damp. And not ın a good way.

In other news, we're set to perform the premıere of Mamma Mıa ın the hotel on Thursday, and most of us stıll haven't got a clue what we're doıng and don't have costumes. And we're stıll learnıng dance routınes!!! Guess whıch character I'm playıng....?

In other other news, I have a black kıtten called Curdy (no prızes for guessıng where the name came from) and a Turkısh toyboy. Both are cute and quıte demandıng ın varıous ways.... Good company though!

How are all my lovely blog frıends? Only two more weeks and I'll have my laptop!! Yay!!!

Lıvın la vıda loca ın Turkey - hopefully ın a month or so I'll get my netbook I bought on ebay so I'll be back to my good old ınternet frenzıed ways. Untıl then, all I can say ıs

I HAVE A TAN!!!!!

Mwah ha ha ha ha.....

edıt: just realısed I already gloated about a tan on my prevıous post....